Not wishing to be flippant, or overly philosophical, but just being able to consider what comes next is somewhat of a privilege. I've had some shit going on recently, and that shit has given me an overwhelming sense of perspective, one which I am - rather contrastingly - very thankful for.
Life is unfortunately somewhat finite and it's become ever so important that I remember that and act accordingly.
So with that said, what comes next?
Part 1: Getting my mind right
This has been a year of discovery and repair. My mind and my body have both needed maintenance and like any conscientious handyman, you have to start somewhere. I started with the mind, seeing that it is arguably the engine room of the body, it requires careful attention to ensure it's all running smoothly.
I had found myself, early in 2023, struggling with an overwhelming sense of vagueness. Unable to really find any notable emotion beyond 'meh' and as such lacking any real purpose, drive or enthusiasm for life. This was noticed, by those close to me first, with me - as usual - lagging slightly behind and revelling in the grey mood of the day-to-day. I don't mean to say that I had any reason to be this way, work was good, happily married, in good health etc. but somehow I had found myself in an inescapable rut.
Once I realised where I was, I decided that this simply would not do. I popped to my GP and within 30 minutes I was diagnosed with depression. Not a surprise (many of those close to me have also suffered from that affliction) but actually quite self-affirming. Someone with professional status had given me an explanation for this cloud above me as well as a supposed remedy.
So that was that. One pill a day and my mind would right itself, find a healthier rhythm and allow me to move forward.
Part 2: Now for the body
While the mind is without doubt the priority, I do consider myself a cyclist, after all, and cyclists generally require their bodies to conduct their orchestra.
Those who know me well will know that I've forever struggled with long-distance form on the bike. My neck always gives way, however spritely the rest of me feels, making anything remotely long distance somewhat of a slog at best and at worst, darn right miserable.
This somewhat distracts from the love of cycling, as while I see my friends and peers pushing themselves further and further and my social media amigos completing all manner of inspirational feats in an endless number of beautiful locations, seemingly without grief, whereas I find myself struggling to finish 100 miles. Unfair.
So to be clear, I've whinged about this for years. To anyone that would listen. Not to mention anyone that isn't listening, for that matter. I've seen bike fitters, I've done yoga, I've worked on my core (albeit not rigorously), osteopaths, physios and all the rest. Nothing has worked.
This year, I'm determined to fix this. I've been back to the physio, cycling-specific this time so that they might understand the various relatively niche struggles of riders. In fact, the chap I saw currently trains Team GB Paralympians, so knows a thing or two about unique physiology. So now I have some exercises, exercises I'm yet to actually do (obvs) but with complete intention.
Next, the elephant in the room that all cyclists try their best to avoid unless your name is Chris Hoy or Wout Van Aert. Strength training.
Until now, my lack of an arse (I don't mean in the anatomical sense, but rather the shape) has been a running joke between me and my wife. While the fact that I struggle to fill jeans is somewhat comical, it is also the very real embodiment of the weakness of my posterior chain (The muscles that make up the back of the body) hence is it really any wonder that I get neck pain?
Anyway, without digging into the somewhat boring ins and outs of my strength routine, my aim is to strengthen my body so as to unlock the potential of my cycling journey. Interestingly, for the first time in that journey, I feel unequivocably determined to finally solve the problem that has plagued for me the last 15 years. Can I get a hoo-rah?
So what am I building up to then?
It's not a secret that I'm in that time of life when life tends to change somewhat. There is always the chance that my family might grow and with that chance, comes the imminent and inevitable reality that I might soon have to make decisions that not only affect me and my wife, but a child that does not yet exist and hence, time is ticking to harness that rich and valuable selfishness.
To put it simply, next year might be my last opportunity to tick off some of my cycling bucket list and I fully intend to make the most of it.
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