Here's the thing...

Here's the thing about being injured.

Not only is it a physical battle, but your body tries to recuperate and you battle with your everyday challenges, your nutrition, your health your weight, all of which are helped by cycling.

But it's a mental battle too. This won't be insightful commentary to most, but having never really been injured before, it's new for me.

So I'll explore it, just a little.

So firstly there's frustration. You'll have likely picked up on that from my previous blog, but it's annoying being injured as it tends to disrupt best-laid plans. I've missed out on the best of the UK summer, the long rides that entails, the fitness that banks. I've also missed out on exploring new places by bike. I'm currently writing this at 4 a.m. prior to taking the long drive down to Cornwall, as a head cold has brought on savage insomnia. I was looking forward to taking the bike down and exploring some of the challenging west country with my father-in-law - on his e-bike - but that will have to wait.

Next, there is the self-doubt. Will I get back to a decent level of fitness? Will this ever properly heal or will I be back and forth now, forever? How will this affect my late-season plans, has one faithful day written off my goals for next year completely? How do I keep my weight under control while I'm not riding, it was already a goal of mine and now it's a concern. The doubts and the questions are endless.

Lastly, there's fear. Not just that this might take longer to heal than planned, but that it might take so long that I might forget what cycling is to me. I found myself in a hole of lost identity. This may read as completely irrational, but buried in the back of my mind is a lived experience, watching the very same thing happen to a dear friend of mine. A fate that saddens me often and one I really don't want for myself.

Now this is classic catastrophism, I know this. I will recover - so long as I bide my time - this won't affect me long term and I must be grateful that my fate is better than others who still battle daily to gain control after health takes a turn.

So there it is two sides to the battle. It's no wonder I feel so tired, likely why I'm sitting here covered in Vix vapour rub at 4am, run down and depleted. I think I need a holiday.